


Steps

by mattysones



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: F/F, Gen, Introspection, Unhealthy Relationships, basically my take on the six months of their fusion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 10:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7636870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattysones/pseuds/mattysones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At first it feels good.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steps

At first it feels good. 

It feels like power. Lapis Lazuli always knew what she was created for and it wasn't _this_. She's winning against someone born to fight, she's holding Jasper down, Jasper is screaming and fighting and clawing at delicate little Lapis Lazuli and Lapis is _winning_. Anger from the years of being locked away form Lapis’ chains and god, it feels good to be in control.

Jasper is understandably infuriated. Jasper has never been humiliated, never been held against her will and Lapis reveals in that fury. Rage is all Lapis has known for a millennia but now she is causing it, and it feels so good to inflict pain.

Jasper has excuses at first. She’s a soldier, she can’t help delighting in the fight. She was just following orders. This was all an experiment.

_I don't deserve this._

One of Jasper’s stray thoughts reach Lapis one day. Tired and frustrated. But Lapis can see what Jasper has done in the past, her atrocities. Her pleasure in battle. Jasper absolutely deserves this. Lapis tells her so, replaying all of Jasper’s disgusting memories and a few of Lapis’ own just so Jasper can feel the visceral pain. 

Jasper laughs at Lapis’ memories. Lapis hates her for it. She finds other ways to humiliate Jasper, reminding her of all her failures, all of her embarrassments. One or two make Jasper, powerful and strong, weep. Lapis catalogues those away for later use.

After Jasper stops fighting is horrible. There is silence. There is darkness. Lapis can only see oily, empty waters and is reminded once again of crushing loneliness. She thinks she can deal with it. Sometimes she speaks to Jasper but there is rarely an answer.

Lapis makes a mistake when she falls asleep.

She sees Steven in her dreams and Jasper is excited. Memories of Rose Quartz rise to Malachite’s toxic surface and it’s time to fight again. _Lapis Lazuli, let me_. Jasper whispers to Lapis in her gravely, soothing voice. Jasper almost sounds tender after weeks of silence. Lapis has been so alone and she wants to rest.

Lapis realizes if she sleeps she will lose, but she is already so tired. Jasper took the opportunity to look in Lapis’ head and that’s when the real fight begins.

Jasper is a soldier and knows plenty about head games, knows about lying in wait quietly and striking when the enemy is tired. Lapis has been awake for weeks while Jasper rested. Lapis’ tired thoughts start to drift unbidden through Malachite, and Jasper can see them all.

It hurts, but Lapis has been so lonely. Finally Jasper is talking again, reminding Lapis that she is not alone. They are not alone. She takes the verbal and mental beatings with pleasure, happy to hear a voice, happy for companionship. It still feels good to know that Lapis _alone_ is holding Jasper down, and she can sense Jasper’s respect. Lapis is a fighter. Her own kind of fighter. Her own kind of gem.

Jasper’s approval starts to feel good. Jasper doesn’t tie Lapis down with hate, but whispers approval. Tells her how strong she is. How amazing. Together they are _unstoppable, Lapis let me take control, you’re so tired, I can see. You're so strong. Even soldiers need rest._

The times when they’re truly fused feel like they could dominate worlds. Those moments are the worst; Malachite moves of her own will. Lapis shows Jasper some of her favorite fish. Jasper finds suitable, volcanic stones for weapons, showing Lapis how to form crude spears.

Jasper tells war stories and some of them make Lapis laugh. Jasper realizes Lapis snorts when she laughs for real and tells her it’s cute. In the six months of their fusion Lapis learns of the warriors Jasper had fought against, won, lost. Of respect for the strongest of her crew. Heartache when a good gem was lost. The thrill of victory. Passion.

Lapis tells some stories from Blue Diamond’s court. Jasper likes the crude ones. Lapis has fused before because fusion can be used for more than fighting, a well-kept secret on Homeworld. Jasper is curious, she can tell, but Lapis only tells her the ridiculous things she’s seen in others’ heads. When Jasper laughs, she barks, and Lapis shivers from pleasure at the sound.

Sometimes Lapis forgets she hates Jasper. Sometimes Jasper’s fist feels like a caress because that’s all Lapis has, deprived of touch. Sometimes Jasper purposely antagonizes her with words, grinning when Lapis responds because Lapis is all she has, deprived of comrades.

Lapis is scared when she can’t find hate toward Jasper anymore. There’s anger. There’s rage. Jasper hasn’t changed but Lapis doesn’t find her repulsive anymore.

Lapis realizes she needs out.

Jasper senses the change and starts whispering comforting, toxic words again. _Let me take control. It’ll feel so good, it already feels good my beautiful Lazuli._

Lapis Lazuli is so tired. She can’t find the energy to hate, despite the near-constant fight and struggle. The weight of their toxic fusion has exhausted her. 

Lapis wants to close her eyes, just for a little while, and sinks into the comforting murmur of Jasper’s rough voice, her violent heart, but at least Lapis isn’t alone. At least they’re corroding _together_ , and Lapis can rest while Malachite breaks the surface of ocean.

**Author's Note:**

> Then Malachite attacked some watermelons.


End file.
